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When the story surfaced that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been murdered and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it thrust substance use disorder back into the national conversation. However, families affected by a loved one’s substance use fear the discussion will focus on an extremely uncommon act of homicide rather than the more widespread dangers of the condition.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the developments. They only knew the Reiners by their work, yet they feel a connection: their own son also became addicted at 15 to opioids and later illicit drugs, much like Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehabilitation and the legal system. After seven excruciating years, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just heartbreaking,” says Grover. “It rips your heart out, because that’s a family torn apart, just like so many other families we know whose loved ones succumbed to the disease of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than a significant majority of Americans report their lives have been touched by addiction—whether through personal struggle, a relative’s dependency, housing instability from addiction, or an drug-related emergency leading to hospitalization or death, according to recent data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or tens of millions of people, were living with a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anyone, no matter how rich you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how powerful you are,” emphasized Grover.

Fear of Stigma

The Reiner story struck a chord with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the murders will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become violent at any point in time. And that’s simply inaccurate,” Greg added.

These “are really crucial discussions to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an academic researcher who studies addiction and the legal system. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really a threat and the potential for harming others.”

She also advised against jumping to conclusions about the alleged role of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is not known whether drugs or mental health issues were involved recently.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and substance use disorder, and fill in the gaps to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his addiction.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to unpredictable behavior, and some substances may increase aggression, a brutal act like a double homicide is highly unusual.

“The vast majority of people with addiction or substance use disorder do not ever show anything remotely close to violent behavior. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The statistical truth is a person is significantly more likely to harm themselves than anyone else.”

A Parent’s Fear

Both Greg and Grover have lived with dread—not of their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he relapses, it’s eventually going to kill him. That’s my greatest terror. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the agonizing decisions parents face, such as setting limits and sometimes making the “excruciating” choice that an adult child cannot reside in the family home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you laid your head down, that you could get a phone call or that knock on the door telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the hospital saying a son was unconscious; from prison, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he shoplifted to support his habit; at least he wasn’t breaking into the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle loneliness—questioning whether the addiction stemmed from some parental failure; bearing guilt for a child’s actions; and dreading the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is very difficult to understand a family’s ordeal without having been through it, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can change on the spot. You could be content one day and miserable the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are able to achieve recovery.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of disease, you can overcome this disease, too. You can heal and be productive,” said Grover. “If you try and you fail, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a university education, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “save” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they cared for him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll take it and accept help.”